Coyote Scramble Ultras

Submitted by anstr on Sun, 06/11/2017 - 17:49
September 29 - October 1, 2017
Kingdom Trails, East Burke, VT

It's a Coyote thing -- not a race, more a rambling run-centric party, with Coyote-brand hospitality/awards, on the spectacular single track of the Kingdom Trails surrounding E. Burke, Brrrrmont.

Wheels Shot from Heaven's Bench

Coyote LogoThe application is as final as it's gonna get, and for those with Coyote history, you know what to expect.  For those sitting on the fringe salivating to get in on the party, you'll improve your entry chance by sucking up to a veteran and cajoling/bribing them into sponsoring your inclusion in our frivolity.  Otherwise, your first "gate" requires convincing the Buffoon that you're suitable fresh meat for our form of dirt abuse, with hopes that the second "gate" of field limitation doesn't exclude your jumping in (such gate to be decided before Aug 1st).

Your schedule of opportunities includes the following:

Friday: at 3PM at the Nordic Center at the end of Dashney Rd, you'll roam a few miles (7-10?) to get travel kinks out of your legs, then clean up just enough to get your head (and costume?) in "high entertainment" mode. At 6PM, dinner at the Tamarack in Burke Mountain's Base Lodge, said setting then serving as stage first for the musically creative Tritium Well, and second for YOU to chomp on the opportunity to entertain the assembled masses, with no small number of Bonus Miles and really, really nifty prizes to be awarded for presentations inciting uncontrollable laughter and/or appreciative rah!rah!'s. Specific running "awards" for notable performances, just cuz such embarrassment ought not be ignored.

Saturday: at 6:30AM, y'all will roam the Kingdom Trails, either following our suggested routes (20/30/40'ish miles) or on whatever route your curiosity invites -- we'll have aid stations reasonably positioned to help you wander with sustenance. We'll not encourage TOO much roaming, as post-dirt, you'll want sufficient time to clean up ("I don't sweat" you claim? hahahaha!!) before heading to St Johnsbury's Gold Crown Lanes to show off your self-perceived, artfully balletic footwork (observationally, more at 5 left feet contorting?) that some might call "bowling." Pizza 'n veggie munchies 'n stuff included to serve as nutritional encouragement and diversion from task at hand. Yup, nifty prizes, too, congruent with skills displayed (on and off the lanes).  There's a limit to how many bodies we can throw on the lanes, so some folks may have to thrill at just laughing at others' motor skills; to say, entries submitted late in the game may suffer this restriction.

Sunday: at 7AM, yipPEE! back on the trails for more of the same dirt/rocks/roots you found on Saturday, with shorter suggested routes for those still inclined to follow directions. Post-wander food, then awards, then we bid you ta-ta, oddy-ose, ado (adieu? a dew? uh, doo?) and try to find a way of disengaging from an experience that we wish could last longer and otherwise replace the realities from which we escaped for the weekend.

Kingdom Trails Association
Thanks to the Kingdom Trails Association

Play options: Revisiting the available and partaken (partooken? partooked?) options from the last couple years, the most popular choices were and hence will be for this year the following two prime choices (post-wknd thrills added below these):

  • Option 1: Consume all 3 days on the trails + 3 meals + Tritium Well entertainment + Bowling + Patagonia apparel / Retro Bowling Shirt (see App for flex on these) + the normal Coyote hospitality of treasures waiting for reasons to be dispersed
  • Option 2: Chomp on just the Saturday miles + the Patagonia piece, but no Bowling
  • Option 3: More Miles on non-Kingdom Trails dirt (think "White Mountains") on Mon/Tue, available only to Vets and their invitees (and still subject to Buffoon's vetting), cuz some feet just can't be satisfied with a mere 2+ days of dirt, especially those feet that spend more time flying/driving than running/trekking. Aside from the vetting to gain access, there's no filter to join this adventure, but those who DO get in will incur costs for lodging, meals, maybe some aid, and minor contribution to typically worthless awards.
  • Option 4: Coyote Two Moon 100M/100K (C2M) for Wed-Fri (ibid those feet without mileage restrictions). This questionable creation of dirt play is separate from Scramble, but positioned proximate to it to afford some economy of resources and flight plans.  Though the terrain is about as good as single track can get (ok, yes, there're roots 'n rocks added for your pleasure!), navigating the course won't be easy, unless you can reduce the route to memory w/o losing said acuity once en route.

Entry Fee: ranges between $95 (Saturday only) and $235 (the FFB (which you'll have to get the App to learn how those letters unfold)), and tho the upper limit is higher than last year, it entails both apparel items. As those familiar w/ our brand of play appreciate, the overall price tag includes more than 75% just for apparel and hospitality; take those away, and we drift toward looking like your basic ultra. Nah, don' wanna go there!

Speaking of Bonuses, Coyote events also involve a liberal distribution of bonus/boner miles for extraneous wandering, other evidence of stellar performance (yes, that entertainment shtick), and generally sucking up to Vols (perusing '14-'16's results ought hint at that influence. The boner opportunities also serve to disabuse the highly competitive from thinking that just cuz they're zippy, they de facto deserve top dog recognition. Bwa-ha-ha!! you ding dongs, it's a party not a race!! Another Coyote tradition that more than a handful of very accomplished runners have earned enough boner minutes to drop significantly in the official standings (a recognition that UltraSignup doesn't filter; we won't report results to them, but they do rob results from websites to populate its website) to reveal less than spectacular results for one's performance resume. To the positive side of this idiocy, returning Vets garner instant bonus miles just for entering; the more you play (well), the more BM's you'll earn!!

Because Coyote "official" results rarely mirror runners' reality on the dirt, and because the curmudgeonly Buffoon rather likes the more interactive communication that online registration usually can't provide w/o charging additional fees for the privilege of said interaction, we retreat to former days of a (mostly) paper communication format for registration. (1) you send email to buffoon(at)coyotemoonultras.com; (2) you'll get digital App; (3) You'll print hardcopy and send App + $$ via snailmail. Once the Buffoon approves your App (translate: your $$ gets deposited and your App isn't otherwise rejected for suspicious reasons), we'll begin a series of e-mail exchanges + website posts leading up to the party itself. Hey, it saves YOU $$ and gives ME a chance to mess with your head -- win-win!!

Accommodations: while we've invaded the Kingdom Farm the last two years, their bookings for our weekend have been sold out for moons (like, before Scramble '16). BurkeMtnLodge operates as our Scramble bed 'n pillow host this year, as well as our venue for Friday night's dinner and Talent Night. Mention "Coyote Scramble" to get their package rates for us. The accommodations are spiff -- your own bathroom!! -- so yes, it'll be a bit priceyer than Kingdom Farm. Whichever accommodations you pursue, because we're playing during peak Leaf Peeper season, you'll want to reserve your room well in advance -- tis easier to canx a reservation than try to find a room during Peeper days...

Entry Cutoffs: Aug 20th for anyone expecting to get apparel; Sep 10th for all others, cuz there's other stuff to get done before y'all show up in cuppla weeks after that.

Coyote Scramble Facebook Page